I’m a hopeless romantic but I’m convinced that nothing lasts forever.

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

I’m a hopeless romantic. I grew up loving fairy tales and daydreaming about love. I believe in finding that perfect person for you. I love being in love. I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes without even knowing it. I love doing simple, romantic gestures. I believe sacrifice is part of giving love. In fact, I don’t ever see myself giving up on love.

As I grow up though, my personal definition of what I believe love to be evolved with time. I believed love conquers all and with that stems my belief that it can also last forever — if it’s really love. The kind of love that is both courageous and pure. I believed in its existence and that one day I’ll come across it (I told you I’m a hopeless romantic).

As we all do, I built relationships. I got married. I’ve been facing my life’s challenges every day. Love is universal. I believe that much is true up to now. However, thinking about partnerships, marriage and relationships altogether convinced me that nothing lasts forever.

Why?

The significant aspects of our life that truly creates a distinguishing mark only happen seasonally.

Love doesn’t need to last forever for it to be special and meaningful. In the same way, just because something is temporary doesn’t make it any less important. Every living person changes over time for various reasons whether drastically or not and every kind of change has a cause and effect relationship with everything including love. Love can cause anyone to change and changes can cause love to either fade or prosper.

We spend a lot of time resisting change. But when challenges come to test us, we then spend our lives discovering that we should simply embrace change. And that realization comes with the reality that all things go through a cycle with beginning and end in order for life to continuously make sense. Hence, why do we push for things to last forever?

Love, just like anything else, is a decision. I believe there is a perfect person for everybody. However, having a working relationship doesn’t only happen once. There could be more when you decide to let yourself be something for someone.

Being a hopeless romantic, most likely I fit with someone who feeds on romance and idealistic love as much as I do. But this doesn’t mean I cannot get along with someone who’s my opposite. I can decide to thrive on the aspects where our personalities and dispositions meet. It’s a decision. There isn’t a perfect kind of relationship but there is one that decides in making it work up to a stretch that people decide on.

When people decide on an ending, this doesn’t make the love less true.

I used to think that lasting love is a qualifying factor for true love. Lasting love is a factor in forever, obviously. But love doesn’t have to be infinite to be true. We have eras and periods in time when noteworthy events occurred but they didn’t end there. Significant events continually happen over time without invalidating the significance of the past.

A long-term relationship is also not a factor for true love. A relationship can be unforgettable, deep, genuine, and short-lived all at the same time. A person’s lifetime can be composed of different seasons of love and learning. A season for experiencing pain followed by a season of growth, a season for understanding the value of patience, and then another for harvesting all these learnings. I realized it takes life-changing seasons to imbue particular lessons in one’s life. More often, it takes more than one. All of us live through these seasons.

There are relationships still that last for an entire lifetime. Even then, I believe most, if not all, went through consequential seasons that cause love to transcend from one level to the next. In a way, this contradicts with the definition of permanence.

In light of the realization that nothing lasts forever, we should be more appreciative of the opportunities to start anew.

I used to think endings are scary like going through a dark tunnel without knowing if there’s a light waiting at the end, or if it’s just a detour back to where you started. In my head, endings come with huge uncertainty. When I was able to gather enough courage to put an end to an important season of my life, even with all the uncertainty I was able to appreciate how wonderful beginnings can be.

It turns out endings are quick compared to what comes next. The first phase that follows the ending is the slowest. In the beginning, where you have to figure out how to be you again, the steps are missing and the progress is little. But the first time you’re able to go through a challenging day decently feels fulfilling right away. It’s a wonderful process to decipher. I was able to find meaning as the cluelessness on how to get by slowly subsides.

That’s when I felt that the right perspective can turn a scary event into a favorable opportunity. We can appreciate that by making use of the chance we’ve been given to create something better for ourselves out of our life’s seasons.

You can give all the love in the world but it’s no guarantee you’ll receive the same.

Love cannot conquer all. Absolutely not all. There are complications in life and differences between people that won’t be able to survive a cyclone in a relationship. The expectation that we’ll be able to receive the same kind of love that we give could kill us emotionally. This is outside our circle of control. That’s why we have to be kinder to ourselves when this happens and then eventually become resilient enough to turn things around.

I choose to stay as a hopeless romantic still. Love is a big part of what keeps us going. Life doesn’t come with just love alone though. There are major life lessons that we need to take in if only to make our lives somehow worthwhile. One way or another, we have to be one and make peace with the realities of this world. There exists a love that is both courageous and pure. It’s always up to us though to know what kind that is and to whom it is worth giving.

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To live is to continuously nurture what your soul loves.

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Kirstin Aure

Kirstin Aure

To live is to continuously nurture what your soul loves.

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